Unfaithful
by Empty Lorelai
Summary: Lorelai makes the biggest mistake of her life and embarks on an adventure to discover redemption. This is Nothing Comes Easily, but I deleted it and rewrote chapter 1.
1. I am Unfaithful

A/NL: Yup. I re-wrote the first chapter. I hope this is better, and you guys like it more…Also, the season finale did not happen in this fic, and yeah…

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gilmore Girls characters. Also the lyrics in italics belong to Kate Havnevik and are in her song "Grace."

Lorelai Gilmore had been on the couch for a good two hours. This wouldn't be unusual if the TV was on, or she had a book in her hands (well…that could be considered unusual too…) She was trying to remember the good aspects in her life. She knew there were a lot, but now, after another huge blowout with Luke she couldn't remember them. The good things were somewhere, but she had lost them. Except 'lost' sounded like a harsh choice, it wasn't right at all. Misplaced. The good things were misplaced. Lost was permanent, but misplaced meant that someday she'd find them.

After getting home from work, Lorelai called Rory. Except her daughter, who could always shed light on things obviously had developed some kind of phone phobia, because she hadn't answered any of Lorelai's five messages. She was starting to sound a little like a broken record on them, or even worse, Dean.

Lorelai was angry. She was angry and fed up. After last night…She had been pretty close to walking out on their relationship, to give up. Except the next morning, once again Luke came over to apologize and they had yet another round of make-up sex. The first time was mind-blowing. The second time was still good. By the fourth, however, it felt more like an obligation. They had somehow established a routine to making up. That was pretty close to rock bottom for Lorelai. Pretty damn close. She tried to remember the fight they had the night before.

_"We should be getting married, Luke! This is the day it was supposed to happen. Instead of being happy, we're standing here screaming at each other! We shouldn't have postponed it!" She was yelling. He was fuming._

_"I need to think about April. This is already so much change in her life; she can't just gain a dad and a stepmother in a period of four months!" He retorted._

_"She's twelve years old, Luke! We'd get married anyways, she'd have to get used to it someday. Why did I postpone it so long, why did I let you?" She now was yelling partly at herself. _

_"I need time! I still need to think!" _

_"Whatever, Luke." _

_"Oh, that's mature." He said with a grunt. She got even angrier._

_"Fine then, fuck you Luke." That's when he stormed out the door._

She sighed. They were having so many problems lately. She just wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, and she knew if she let this engagement go on too long it'd be too late. She'd been having nightmares that when they finally set the date years later, she'd go to a wedding dress shop and they'd be out of wedding dresses. She felt selfish thinking about stuff like that. Except Luke was ignoring her more and more, and she felt worse and worse about her life. Hence, the misplacement of the good stuff.

Everything had been so fucked up since April emerged and Luke postponed their wedding. She could only feel it getting worse. Instead of 'fuck you, Luke' she wished she'd said 'I love you, Luke."She closed her eyes. It was late. She needed to get sleep. Even though her version of sleep was now shutting her eyes, completely awake until her alarm went off.

Luke sat on his bed with a beer in his right hand, it felt cold and wet, the condensation from the outside of the bottle dripping onto his hands making them slippery. He was destroying the best thing that had ever happened to him. Why was he doing this? Why was he being such a jerk to her? He loved her. She probably wouldn't even believe that, the way things had been going. He was an idiot in love. Things would only get harder; he just knew they were in for a bumpy ride. He sighed, and pulled the covers over him, going to sleep with a smooth buzz.

Lorelai opened her eyes only a second before her alarm went off. She stayed in bed for a moment, not wanting to start her day; she wanted to skip until she was married, so she could finally enjoy the domestic bliss she'd heard so much about. Two days ago was supposed to be her wedding day, not just another screaming match. Maybe it would never happen.

She drove to Luke's, sat at the counter and waited for Luke to come out. When he emerged from upstairs, instead of greeting her, he picked up the coffee pot and went around the diner refilling coffee. How romantic. When he finally got around to noticing her, he just gave a wave, and then took out his order pad.

"It's busy this morning. What do you want?" He said flatly, not like he was angry at her, but like she was just a normal customer not his fiancée whom he often saw naked. She gave him a blank look, then began to speak.

"Good morning to you too." She said sarcastically. He looked at her exasperated, which basically said 'I don't want to get into it right now.' She sighed. "Fine, I'll have banana pancakes and bacon. Lotsa coffee." She added the coffee to try to keep up with her playful personality, and not annoy Luke.

After eating, without saying goodbye she left money (this was the first time since they started dating) and drove to the inn. She was getting so exhausted of all her and Luke's drama. She was trying so hard not to fight, but every day that their wedding was put off frustrated her more and more. At least she had another monotonous day of work to look forward to.

Not.

Her day went by fairly quickly, the inn supplied a number of problems she had to deal with, and that day in particular seemed to be overflowing with problems. Things were broken, the power in two of the rooms was out, the rain was causing it to be so muddy up front and guests were complaining.

By ten, she was asleep on the couch in front of the front desk. When she awoke from her stupor, she looked over to the front desk, where the night manager, Peter, was looking at her and patiently waiting for guests. Peter was a pretty decent guy, he was always entertaining her with funny anecdotes, and he was quite handsome. Honey blond hair, washboard stomach, and a smile to die for. She tried to ignore the fact that he was looking at her.

"How long have I been here?" She asked him groggily. They both laughed.

"Well, you've been asleep since I came in at eight, and Michel told me you'd been there for a couple hours." She shot up.

"Oh, wow…I feel bad. I must be scaring guests." He shook her head, when people looked they looked like it was kind of entertaining. She laughed again. She hadn't really laughed for awhile, only with Rory. He walked over to her on the couch and plopped down right next to her.

"Actually, you've been a pretty good conversation piece. Many a philosophical argument happened around you. People were even taking pictures with you." She giggled again.

"Oh, I'm sure…" He sighed, then studied her.

"So Lorelai…Why so tired?" He asked casually.

"Do you want the long story or the short?" She asked leaning back on the couch, wondering still if she'd give him the truth or not.

"The long, of course… Who do you think I am? Someone who doesn't care? Silly…" She smiled at him, he was such a clown.

"My fiancée…Lately things have been…So rough." She sipped on a glass of water she'd had before she fell asleep. "We just fight now, I want to get married but he's postponed it for so long and…" She felt tears coming on, she tried to hold them back. "And I'm so scared it isn't going to happen." He looked at her with new-found sympathy, she was deeper than she had seemed when he met her.

"Wow, Lorelai…That's really tough. I'm sorry." She gave a weak smile.

"I'll be okay." He nodded and they both leaned in a little closer to each other.

"You're strong, and smart…each other.

"You're strong, and smart…Things will happen." He said this quieter, their faces were so close. She could feel him breathe sharply in and out, she could feel his warm breath against her nose, he must've had a mint because it smelled sweet and sharp- minty. She pulled back before he leaned in more. She couldn't do this.

"Bye, Peter." She said grabbing her purse and running to her car before he could say anything.

She stopped over at Luke's and knocked on his door. He answered, but he looked rather annoyed at her.

"Hey, I thought I'd come and just say hi…" She said sweetly, then leaned in closer, so she was barely an inch from his lips. "And maybe give you this." Then she kissed him, hard and sweet, all at the same time. He sighed.

"Um…Maybe tomorrow we can meet or something, I have a lot of cleaning to do." He said lamely.

"Oh…I just thought we really haven't…And I miss you, Luke." He tilted his head and stared at her blankly.

"This is my job Lorelai, and I have an early meat delivery, don't do this to me." He said, his voice elevating a little.

"I'm sorry, but…Luke, I'm your fiancée, you're not even the least bit happy to see me… I feel like…" She shook her head, in tears. "Maybe we're not meant to be together." Luke's face changed immediately.

"No, Lorelai…"

"Forget it, Luke." She said turning away. He walked quickly towards her and put his hands on her waist.

"I'm being an ass again...I'm sorry, Lorelai. We will be together, forever, this has just been a tough time for us. It'll get better." She nodded.

"You're right, we're just having a tough time."

The next day Lorelai completely ignored Luke's and had one of Sookie's muffins for breakfast instead. She'd decided to forget every detail of her life and would immerse herself in the day's events, mainly the big wedding. In the barn, she slowly brushed Cletus and Desdemona, who the bride and groom were to ride on after they were declared husband and wife. She's wanted to do that at her own wedding, but Luke had vetoed the idea because he wasn't a fan of horses. After she put the brush away, she sat on a bucket and thought for a moment. Her own wedding was so soon. She started to feel sick thinking about it, and leaned over to a pile of hay, threw up on it and moaned. She certainly was a blushing bride.

She spent the rest of her day in her office, doing paperwork. She didn't even bother to watch the wedding ceremony, which she normally loved to watch. Over signing the payroll checks she began to doze off.

Lorelai woke up in a complete haze. She was on her desk, her face ached from falling asleep on several pens and the hard wooden desk. She looked up at the clock and realized it was late, so late that Peter had already spent hours at the inn. She began to panic. She couldn't face him, it scared her how vulnerable she'd felt with him the night before, how close they had been to kissing.

Slowly, she stepped out of her office, making sure the front desk was empty. She thought she wouldn't have to face him, when he popped out behind the desk. He seemed surprised to see her, too.

"Lorelai! I hadn't realized you were…you were in your off-office." He stammered, she had completely caught him off guard. Lorelai was even more staggered, she looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Yeah…" she said softly. He paused for a moment, then realized he needed to set them straight.

"Listen, Lorelai, I don't want things to be awkward between us. After what happened last night, it was just a one time fluke thing…" Lorelai nodded in agreement, and stepped a little closer to him, looking at her feet.

"Yeah…It was just weird…" She said, suddenly feeling a chill go through her body. The sexual tension was palpable to both of them now. He stepped closer to her, he didn't know what he was doing, he was putting his hand on her waist, she was letting him put his hand on her waist. Lorelai felt his hand, it was like a shock of electricity going through her body, one little touch made her mind go blank.

"It was just a…It was just…" She couldn't finish her sentence. She stared into his eyes; he put his other hand on her waist, she was letting his other hand on her waist. She tried to speak again. Her hand was on his cheek, she couldn't even remember how it got there.

"Shh…" He said softly. She ran her fingers through his golden brown hair, and they leaned in even closer so she could feel his warm breath on her nose. He looked down towards her lips and moved his toward them. Then, slowly they touched. He tasted like honey, sweet and intense. Her lips were wet and hungry; they kissed fervently, melting into a moment that felt like forever. Everything felt blurry to Lorelai, she couldn't think, she needed to stop it, but she couldn't, whatever she did she couldn't break herself from his arms. She was caught up in their passion.

"_Nothing comes easily, fill this empty space…"_

Luke sat at Lorelai's kitchen table, she hadn't shown up for their date, they were supposed to go to the movies. He had called her all day, and when he woke up that morning she had already left. Something was wrong, but she wouldn't tell him what it was. All he wanted to do was help. He picked up the phone and dialed her cell phone again. Instead of ringing, it went straight to voicemail.

"Hi, it's Lorelai! I'm probably drinking coffee right now, gimme a message. BEEP." Her sunny voice made him smile for a moment, then he frowned again.

"Where are you? I'm kind of worried, Lorelai….Please call me. I love you."

_"Nothing is like it seems, turn my grief to grace…"_

Lorelai pulled away for a moment, took his hand, and a key from the desk, then, in her trance, she lead him up the stairs into one of the inn's empty rooms.

They kissed as soon as the door was closed and he lowered her on the bed. She looked up to him, she felt like something was temporarily comforting her, like that hole she had felt earlier was warmer, it wasn't being filled, but for a moment she was forgetting about it. As soon as her clothes were off, she shivered, she felt the reality of the situation for a second, but it was too late now to go back.

An hour later she sat on the inns bed, feeling even lonelier and even more incomplete.

_"Slowly pull myself together…"_


	2. It Kills him Inside

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

A/N: Heh. Okay, I'm going to admit my first chapter was badly written, but for some of this stuff I have to kind of get through the knitty gritty of some of these situations, but in this next chapter, I promise I'll improve.

Also, I really like hearing feedback from my readers.

* * *

Lorelai sat at the edge of one of the inn's bed, stripped down to her bra and slip. She was watching Peter dress fix his tie. It wasn't sexy to her anymore, as their encounters began to stack up she increasingly felt dirtier, the guilt was consuming her. But every time she'd try to break it off with Peter, she would get caught in a moment, and whenever they finished they would both be rushing back into their clothes, then they would give each other one last kiss goodbye. It wasn't romantic, it hadn't been the first time, and it would never be. It was gross and something even she couldn't understand.

It'd been one month since their first encounter, and Lorelai was slowly realizing the gravity of her mistakes. What would she do when this caught up with her? Maybe that's what deathbeds were for, to reveal past mistakes and make amends right before it became too late. This affair would haunt her forever, even if she got away with it, she would always feel awful for never telling Luke. But her other choice, if she told Luke about Peter, even if it was after the fact, she would lose him.

She was at a standstill with herself, in her mind the two sides of Lorelai became constantly at odds with each other. The side that was truthful, who would end the affair, the side that was in love with Luke; and her other side, it made her a coward, it made her scared.

So now…Here she was, sitting at the edge of a bed she'd just had inappropriate sex on, wishing she hadn't. Every time they had sex, she regretted it. But she couldn't speak out, just like she couldn't speak out to Luke about him never opening up to her about April, she was mute. She checked the clock, it was just past midnight.

"Peter," she paused, "what are we doing here?" How had she gotten to the edge of this bed? Why had she let herself do something so stupid, so unlike her? He looked at her and put his finger on her chin, smiling.

"Because it just happens." He kissed her again. "So, Thursday night? We meet in room eight?" What she wanted to do was scream, 'I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN! I NEVER WANT TO MEET YOU AGAIN. I LOVE LUKE!' Instead, she nodded.

"Yeah, room eight's fine." She whispered quietly. She had one day to think before Thursday night, one day to find her voice and change things. For an entire month she'd thought of ways to get out it, to get out of Peter's arms and back into Luke's. Instead, she fell further and further down her nightmare.

Peter finished tying his shoes, stole one last glance at Lorelai, and then left her alone. She leaned back in the bed trying to recount the last month in her head. Whenever her and Peter set a time, she'd tell Luke she had to stay at the inn late and they'd use an empty room. Sometimes, they'd take beer out of the mini fridge and drink quietly first. When the inn was full, they'd go into her office, pull down the shades and he'd slowly unbutton her shirt, and she'd pull off his tie, silently, the sound of their breaths against each other. Then, afterwards, he'd leave her sitting on the chair, or at the edge of a bed, just like she was tonight.

Her relationship with Luke became strained with every encounter she'd have with Peter. He would beg her to stay home that night; he'd kiss her neck and plead, telling her she was working too hard. Every time, she walked away from him. 'If I was smart, I'd stay in his arms.' She thought wistfully as she stood up and pulled her dress on.

Tonight, she walked home slowly, thinking, she was so confused. She missed Rory, she wished she could tell her daughter about her mistakes, but Rory would be furious, and she was already so stressed out with her job and school. She now felt even isolated from Rory, her best friend in the world who she could always talk to.

* * *

Luke was sitting on his bed, watching TV, but most of all thinking about Lorelai. He was so worried about her, she worked late so many more times this month, and they now barely talked, and barely even kissed. He stared out the window, wishing for her, when he spotted her walking to the gazebo, then sitting down, staring at the blank sky. She looked so sad, so heartbreakingly beautiful. He quickly grabbed his flannel shirt and wrapped it around him, then grabbed another flannel shirt for Lorelai. He sat down next to her and wrapped the shirt around her, because she was shivering. She set her head on his shoulder and continued to stare out at the sky.

"You've been so distant from me lately." He said, wrapping his arm around her. She nodded.

"I know." And suddenly everything hit her, so quickly she felt like she had been hit with a train of emotion. "What I am doing, Luke?" She started to sob. "I don't know myself anymore, I'm so sad and quiet, I don't want to joke and I'm not me. I haven't been me for a month."

"Shh…" He said, letting her bury her face into his chest, and he hugged her tightly as she sobbed uncontrollably. "I'm always here. Why don't you take tomorrow off of work and we can talk and spend the day together? I miss you." She nodded and pulled away, her eyes red and blotchy.

"That sounds nice." She said her voice barely a whisper. He smiled, and for a long time they continued to stare at the sky, until she fell asleep and he carried her home.

* * *

The next morning Lorelai slept in. She woke up to the sweet smell of pancakes and bacon…Most importantly, coffee. She began to feel more like herself, she felt stronger than she had in months. Tomorrow night she was going to break it off with Peter. She would let herself forget everything and never revisit the affair. Most importantly, she'd spend the rest of her life with Luke- the one who she really loved. She felt her confidence slowly build up again and grinned. She got up and wrapped a robe around her, then walked downstairs and kissed Luke, who handed her a plate. They happily ate breakfast, and really connected again. They were laughing. They were them. Just the thought made her giddy.

Her entire day was perfect. During their walk with Paul Anka, they finally started to talk.

"What happened last night, Lorelai? To make you so upset?" She sighed. She could no longer be completely honest; she'd try to partly be truthful.

"All these months, with you not telling me about April…I quieted down when I should've spoke up. We're getting married in a month, Luke, and I have yet to really get to know her." She said, finally getting that part out.

"But Anna-." He interjected.

"Is April's mother." She finished. "And you're her father, you should be able to completely expose your life to her, especially when you're going to get married, Luke. You have to make it clear to Anna that you need us to have a relationship, so we're not jumping into the whole step-parent thing without so much as a clue as to who each other are." She stopped for a moment, then continued getting worked up. "And the last couple months we've grown so far apart, and I miss you, Luke. I miss you so much." He gave her a sad smile, thought for a moment, then kissed her, hard, with more passion than their first kiss.

"I love you, Lorelai Gilmore. And I want to make you the happiest woman ever. I want to get married to you, and I want you to help me raise my daughter, and you will, starting the next time I see Anna, I'm going to set things straight." Lorelai smiled and kissed him again, she knew what she had to do now. They continued walking, silent and smiling; they were finally back on the same page.

That night, while they were cleaning up from dinner, she started splashing water at him, and he splashed back. Minutes later they were soaked, she came close to him and looked up, kissing him ever so lightly, then backed away. He grinned and pulled her back to him, she laughed, but as soon as they looked into each others eyes, it became intense; they were kissing all the way up the stairs, the shut the bedroom door behind them. They were finally pieced back together.

* * *

The next morning, Lorelai crept out of bed early, for a family reunion they were hosting at the inn. She sat in bed next to sleeping Luke and kissed his lips ever so lightly.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too." He said groggily.

"I'll be home a little late tonight, the family reunion needs to be perfect. But I'll stop by the diner after I get off." She said slipping her shoes on.

"Mkay…" She smiled at him and took off. She was finally going to break it off with Peter.

Her day went by fairly quickly. Every moment she was either thinking about Luke or breaking it off with Peter. She was happy again, she was making it work with Luke. In the kitchen Sookie gave a happy smile at Lorelai's new attitude.

"You're better. You're happy." She observed. Lorelai couldn't stop smiling.

"I didn't even have to take a Prozac." She quipped. Sookie laughed, until Michel came in all huffy.

"Lorelai, we have a problem." He said in his overly accented French accent. "Yesterday morning, I cheeked room five, to find several problems." He sighed heavily. "First of all the bed was unmade, when I checked the mini bar there were several missing bottles of beer, und dere was this in de trash." He held up a plastic bag with her and Peter's used condom in it. Why had they thrown it in the trash? She knew Michel was paranoid about this stuff. Sookie looked a little surprised, then gave a disgusted look.

"Michel, throw that thing away, this is a kitchen." Michel obeyed and threw the bag in the trash. "Who do you think that was? Eew, it's so gross…"

"Well," he continued "I'm pretty sure our perpetrator is Peter, the night manager. I've gotten a few complaints from guests that sometimes they had to wait and hour or two before they got helped. He was coming from upstairs, where the rooms were. The woman or…man who he is with is still unknown. I'm going to further research it." By this time, Lorelai was completely pale.

"Michel, just make sure the booze is replaced, and if it happens once more then we'll talk about investigating." Lorelai knew for a fact it wouldn't be happening anymore. And that night rooms were all full, so she and Peter would meet in her office.

"Michel, go back to the desk." Sookie was studying Lorelai's face and raised her eyebrow. Something was definitely going on with Lorelai.

"Lorelai," she said, her voice completely serious, "there's something going on. You know something about Peter, about that room." Lorelai shook her head.

"No…It's just a little odd, that's all." Sookie nodded.

"You promise you're not sleeping with Peter or anything like that, right?" Lorelai nodded, she hated lying to Sookie.

"I promise. I'm completely in love with Luke." At least she could say that honestly.

Lorelai stayed in her office the rest of the day. Around ten, Peter knocked on her door.

"Come in." She called, putting her work away. He smiled as soon as he saw her. Lorelai stood up and he came straight up to her, putting his hands on her waist. She backed away and took his hands off her.

"Peter…" She started; she had practiced this all day, trying to come up with the perfect words. There was no perfect way to break up with someone. "I can't do this anymore, I'm in love with Luke, and I was just so confused…" Peter stared into her eyes for a long time. She had a fiancée, she was in love.

"Lorelai….What we have…" She sighed.

"We don't have it at all." She said bluntly. He moved closer towards her and this time she let him put his hand on her waist, both of his hands.

"One more time…" He whispered in her ear. She looked at him and nodded. She didn't even know why she did. Then he kissed her, just like the first time, he still tasted like honey. He was unbuttoning her sweater, and she was pulling his tie off.

As soon as Peter left the front desk, Michel walked back into the inn and slowly followed him, staying out of Peter's eyesight. He followed him until…Lorelai's office. He could swear she had already left, until he heard her say "come in" to Peter. He found a crack in the blinds, and they were so deep into conversation, they wouldn't notice him. Suddenly they were kissing, and Lorelai all too quickly was half naked. He immediately turned away. She was engaged! How could she do this to the diner owner? His food had way too many complex carbs, but that would never upset Lorelai. He stormed to his car angrily, figuring he would figure out what to do in the morning.

Luke was walking to the inn. Lorelai was probably starving by then, so he carried a bouquet of flowers and a picnic basket (the picnic basket he had bid on for her so many years ago) filled with food. He parked and watched Michel angrily drive away. Luke shrugged his shoulders. Everyone wasn't as happy as he was.

As soon as he walked in he felt like something was wrong. The night manager wasn't sitting behind the desk, the air felt different. He approached her office when he stopped. Did he just hear Lorelai's moan? She only made that moan during…

He opened the door, unsure of what he was about to see. The picnic basket and flowers fell to the ground. There was Lorelai, almost completely naked, and the night manager in the throws. Everything felt blurry. He turned around, it couldn't have been true. He was going to faint. He was going to throw up. He'd rather do anything but this. He felt the image sear into his head as he ran away from her office.

Lorelai heard the door open, and it was the worst possible person to walk in on her and Peter. It was Luke. She quickly pushed Peter away and ran after Luke. She was going to have a breakdown, why did she say one last time?

"Luke!" She pulled her underwear up from her knees as she ran. She was running after Luke in just her undergarments. He only stopped in the middle of the town square, facing her, out of breath. Tears were streaming down both of their faces.

She looked so different to him now, standing in front of him almost stripped of her clothes and her secrets, he never thought she could betray him like that. She opened her mouth to speak. He couldn't move, he felt his feet glue to the ground.

A/N: Read and review.


	3. Don't Want to be the Reason Why

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gilmore Girls characters.

A/N: Thanks everyone for all the reviews so far, I really appreciate it.

Lorelai felt herself hit the ground. She literally hit the ground. Her back ached, she was being attacked. In her sleep, she was thrashing about. She opened her eyes and realized where she was. It was five in the morning, she had rolled off the couch, and she was still in her bra and underwear. Her head ached, she felt dizzy. She was hung-over in the worst possible way. What had happened last night? She noted the empty bottle of tequila, and the bottle of vodka that was almost gone.

Then she remembered. Everything. Luke had seen her and Peter. It was over. She felt herself melt into tears on the stairs. His words…They had hurt so much.

_"Luke…" She whispered, staring into his eyes so afraid, she had never seen such anger. "I'm so sorry…Please. I can't be without you, it'd kill me." He shook his head._

_"How long?" He asked in shock. Lorelai broke into harder tears and shook her head._

_"A month." He took a sharp breath. He hated her, but he loved her._

_"Why would you do that?" He asked, his anger finally in his voice._

_"We were just fighting, Luke…And I was sad, I just got caught up in a moment. Every time I tried to end it I'd get so caught up." She tilted her head. "Please, Luke." He looked her up and down, raw and naked._

_"I can never think of you the same way." Lorelai broke down to her knees sobbing. Luke turned away from her and slowly walked back to the diner. She stood up._

_"Luke…" she whispered, he whipped around. "I love you…Please don't…"He sighed._

_"We're over." She nodded. She understood, but she would never be okay with it. She realized where she was, and in what clothes. In her bare feet she ran. She ran until home, where she grabbed the biggest bottle of tequila she could find and took a big slug slowly trying to relax. She was so close to hyperventilating._

Lorelai placed her head in her hands trying not to cry too hard, it was all her fault and she knew it. After a long moment, she gained control of herself again, and finished walking up the stairs. She pulled on an oversized cushy robe, and sat back down on her bed. She only got a moment of silence when there was a loud knock on the door.

"LORELAI!" She head Babette's voice, loud and raspy as ever. "ANSWER THE DOOR! WE'RE WORRIED!" Lorelai took a deep breath. She knew she would have to deal with this eventually. She slowly crept downstairs trying to ignore Babette's constant knocking. The stood in front of the door and slowly unchained it, and unlocked it. Finally, she turned the knob and faced Babette. Babette was panting, and if Lorelai wasn't irreversibly depressed, she might've found it funny how Babette was still in her nightgown and it looked like she just ran a marathon. The reality was Babette had probably only ran to Lorelai's from her house.

"Lorelai! Darling! What happened? East side Tilly heard the whole thing in the town square, it's all over town. Taylor's handing out bows again." Lorelai wanted to disappear.

"Babette…Just bad things happened…I did some stupid stuff." Babette nodded.

"No shit." Just hearing that from Babette surprised her. "Cheating with that Peter guy…But if your man doesn't please you…" Lorelai shook her head.

"Babette…I really can't handle this right now." She felt herself breaking down, hitting the ground even harder as her body crashed to the floor in sobs. Babette nodded sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, Lorelai…Uh, I'll come back later." Babette walked away and closed the door behind Lorelai, who didn't notice because she was wrapped up in a ball, sobbing. It was hitting her. Hard.

* * *

Luke closed the diner. He couldn't handle customers, not today, probably not tomorrow. He didn't even know if a week would do it. Even twenty years didn't seem like enough time for him to feel normal again. Lorelai cheated on him. That image was so stuck in his mind, it hurt. His head hurt. He was drunk. He wanted to be drunk for the rest of his life. Even alcohol couldn't numb his pain. He didn't think anything could.

_"I can never think of you the same."_

He remembered how she broke down as soon as he said that. Her tears had been too much, but every word she said just hurt him more. He was so angry at her. How could she have done this? Why did she do it? Why hadn't he seen through all of her excuses? Because he had always trusted her. He wished he hadn't. He wished for a lot of things. She was a whore to him. She could never redeem herself. She wasn't the same, they weren't the same. In one second, his whole future changed. He wanted to kill Peter, the nice guy who he met at the inn opening…He was now the ass that had been fucking his fiancée. Luke thought he had been a jerk to her but compared to what she did… He didn't want to think about what she did. He didn't want to think about her.

Who was he kidding? In one way or another, Lorelai was scattered all over his apartment, her toothbrush still sitting above the sink, her scent of pear shampoo, her razor in his shower, her pajamas, and her books on his side table. He didn't want to miss her, he wanted to hate her.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon when Lorelai heard the door open.

"Mom!" Rory sounded really upset. Lorelai had been laying in bed all day, ystaring at her wall and twiddling with her fingers. She was in serious breakdown mode. She heard Rory pound up the stairs and enter Lorelai's room.

"What were you thinking?" Rory said, angry and sad at the same time. She was so confused, hearing about her mom doing something like that to Luke. Lorelai turned over, then sat up, facing Rory, who sat down next to her mother.

"I don't know…" Lorelai whispered, breaking into tears again, trying her hardest not to. Rory looked at her mom, but for some reason she couldn't sympathize at all.

"I can't pity you, mom…What you did was awful." Lorelai nodded. Rory suddenly got a surge of anger. "You cheated on Luke. I can't believe you…You were in love! You were getting married! You're even worse than me when I was with Dean." Lorelai really didn't want to hear any of what Rory had to say.

"I don't want to hear about this, okay Rory?" She said while her voice elevated.

"Who else are you going to hear it from? Everyone in town is angry at you, all I see are blue ribbons, no pink…Mom, you're all alone in this and you need a heavy dose of reality if you think things are going to be okay."

"I see the reality, Rory! I know what I did, and all I want to do is fix it, but I really don't want to hear this from you. It's not helping me, Rory! I know everyone hates me, I don't care." By the end, she was yelling. Rory was angry.

"Fine." She said flatly. "Then you won't care if one more person hates you." With that, Rory walked out. Lorelai had no energy to run after her and apologize. She couldn't get herself to care.

Rory huffed out to her car and started it. Why did she have to get so angry at her mom? She was already going through a tough time; Rory didn't need to add to her problems. She sighed and drove away.

* * *

The next day Lorelai had to go to work. She had to change, and try to function. She had to be warm, and ignore dirty looks from people in town. She had to avoid Peter somehow. She could barely take a shower. How was she supposed to handle everything else?

She tried to dress herself. Every outfit she thought of had something that Luke picked out. Eventually, she found her pre-Luke clothes. She chose her simple blue suit with the flippy skirt. She used to love the flippy skirt. She tried coating her face with make-up, she tried doing her hair extra pretty, but whatever she did, all she looked was broken. She feared she'd look like this forever, burdened with guilt and plagued with loneliness from missing Luke.

She stepped into the kitchen in the inn. Sookie looked angry.

"Lorelai…Why would you do that?" Sookie said, exploding. Sookie took a breath; she felt a little bad bursting out at Lorelai like that. Sookie studied Lorelai, she was Sookie's best friend, and Lorelai had been there for her. Now, there was her best friend in front of her and she could tell she was crumbling. Lorelai poured herself some coffee, and when she turned around she was almost in tears.

"Sookie-." She said hoarsely.

"I know…I'm sorry. I'm here for you, I promise." Sookie vowed to try to understand her friend, even though it was hard to, even though what Lorelai did was wrong. She walked over to Lorelai and put her arms around her. "You're going to figure out, I'll help." Lorelai nodded.

"I know." Lorelai's face, streaked with tears broke Sookie's heart. She knew Lorelai was sorry, she saw it in her face, she heard it in her voice. Lorelai walked to the front desk. Michel stood there and looked her up and down.

"I saw what you did." He said without emotion. Lorelai looked at him.

"I don't care, Michel." She was trying to find some attitude. She was trying not to imagine how much Michel saw, she was also trying hard not to care.

* * *

Her day was…Awful. She had to go to the Mailboxes etc. and face half the town and Kirk on her way there. Blue ribbons were everywhere. Everyone had one, people who wore pink ribbons the first time they broke up were now donning the periwinkle blue ribbons. No one was going to support her.

"Lorelai." She looked over to Lane and gave her the warmest smile she could muster. "Um, Luke saw you out here and…He wanted to give you this." She shoved her a box and started to walk away.

"Hey Lane?" Lane turned around.

"Yeah?"

"Remember when Rory tried to convince you that the mud sandwich she made was actually chocolate?" Lane laughed.

"And I actually believed her, yeah…I remember that." Lane smiled at her and laughed.

"Well…Thanks, Lane." She turned around to leave.

"Yeah…" Lane muttered. She turned around again to Lorelai. "Hey Lorelai?" Lorelai spun around. "I'd wear a pink ribbon if they were giving them out." Lorelai smiled again.

* * *

Shewas trying to read. She couldn't concentrate. Her day, except for Lane, had been unbearable. People absolutely hated her. And even though she was trying not to let it get to her, it did…It bore into her whenever someone deemed her a slut or a whore.

"I can't do this anymore." She said to no one in particular. She set her book down and impulsively ran upstairs, and started to pack. She needed to leave, at least temporarily.


End file.
